JUDGE: OK, ahem.. OK Mr… Mr Allen
ALLEN: Right
JUDGE: I believe that.. I believe that your case is… was going to be going to trial not this Monday, but the following Monday. Do you understand that?
ALLEN: Yes, err…
JUDGE: OK, I tell you, if you need to tell me something, I want… I’ll let you come up here to the podium so you can speak into the microphone, and I can hear you.
ALLEN: Yes, errr, the attorney here, I’m wanting to fire him.
JUDGE: Uh huh
ALLEN: And, you know, I don’t feel like he’s doing any….
JUDGE: Who are you going to, who are going to hire?
ALLEN: I’m not going to hire nobody, I’m going to try and get a different public defender.
JUDGE: There is… there isn’t. You have a right to an attorney…
ALLEN: This lawyer has…
JUDGE: You don’t have a right to a specific attorney.
ALLEN: This lawyer has made sexual advances on me, he…
JUDGE: Well…
ALLEN: He’s mis… misrepresenting my case. He told me if I wanted him to do a good job, I had to let him give me oral sex. He’s had doctors at Central State Hospital put a false…
JUDGE: He’s had doctors at Central State Hospital…
ALLEN: …put a false diagnosis on me
JUDGE: OK, I don’t, you know, I know Mr Wyatt pretty well and I don’t think he has the ability to make doctors at Central State do anything.
ALLEN: Well, they did it, and he’s the one that had me sent down there.
JUDGE: Well, you know, they may have done it but I don’t think that… he had anything to do with it.
ALLEN: Alright, well, he won’t give me the discovery.
JUDGE: Well, I’m…
ALLEN: There’s things in discovery he’s supposed to give me, the incident and told me that it was the discovery.
JUDGE: OK.
ALLEN: There are alternating documents that I’ve read….
JUDGE: OK, if you want… if you want… if you want the indictment, I’ll make sure you get a copy of the indictment.
ALLEN: No, I’m saying I got the indictment…
JUDGE: Uh huh
ALLEN: …but he’s not complying with discovery.
JUDGE: OK.
ALLEN: I’m supposed to get the autopsy report, the coroner report, pictures of the crime scene…
JUDGE: Coroner report?
ALLEN: …criminal background records, I want.
JUDGE: Is this a… is this a murder?
OFFICER: In the county jail.
JUDGE: OK.
ALLEN: Yeah, I’m supposed to get the criminal background records, investigational summaries.
JUDGE: Mr Wyatt, what discovery do you have?
WYATT: I’ve given him everything I have.
JUDGE: You’ve given him everything you have?
WYATT: Yes, sir
JUDGE: He’s given you everything
ALLEN: This is a murder case, and…
JUDGE: Huh?
ALLEN: This is a murder case, and you’re telling me the only thing on discovery is a four page indictment?
JUDGE: I don’t think he’s saying that, I think he’s saying he’s given you everything he has.
ALLEN: He ain’t given me no autopsy report, he ain’t given me no coroner’s report, he ain’t given me no…
JUDGE: Well, it may be that he doesn’t have that, I don’t know.
ALLEN: That’s what I’ve been trying to get, he didn’t give me pictures of the crime scene. I’ve seen other people go to trial on murder charges, I’ve seen what you’re supposed to get. I’m not going to work with this attorney.
JUDGE: Well, you know, you…
ALLEN: It’s not gonna happen.
JUDGE: You’ve got…
ALLEN: I’m not going to trial with this attorney.
JUDGE: Well, you’ve got two choices. One, you can go to trial with him; or two, you can try the case yourself. Now, I definitely completely think that’s…
ALLEN: And I’ve got a right to…
JUDGE: Wait a minute, listen to me, that would be the biggest mistake you’ve ever made in your life.
ALLEN: So, basically you’re sitting here telling me…
JUDGE: Now, you have a…
ALLEN: …find me guilty if I go to trial, and try to defend myself?
JUDGE: You’re probably right, that would be my guess if you try to defend yourself. You… you don’t know anything about selecting a jury, do you?
ALLEN: No.
JUDGE: Do you know anything about cross examining witnesses?
ALLEN: No.
JUDGE: Do you know anything about criminal procedure?
ALLEN: I know I don’t have to let…
JUDGE: Do you know anything…
ALLEN: …this guy suck my dick…
JUDGE: …let..let…let me
ALLEN: …to get some legal representation.
JUDGE: You know something, I’ll be honest Mr Allen, I really don’t believe that.
ALLEN: Well, I’m not… I’m not concerned if you believe it or not.
JUDGE: I… you…
ALLEN: …but I’m supposed to… I’m supposed to have a right to an attorney…
JUDGE: ..that…
ALLEN: …and I’m not going to work with this attorney.
JUDGE: Well, that’s up to you.
ALLEN: So, I hold myself in contempt if you try to pull me up here to court with that attorney.
JUDGE: That… that’s fine, I mean, that’s up to you. I told you what your choices are. You can go to trial…
ALLEN: I’m just telling you, I’ll hold…
JUDGE: Listen to me…
ALLEN: I’ll hold myself into contempt.
JUDGE: Listen to me.
ALLEN: Fuck you.
JUDGE: Listen to me.
ALLEN: Go fuck yourself. I’m through here, y’all done?
JUDGE: I… I… I’m finding you, I’m finding you in contempt of court.
ALLEN: I don’t care.
JUDGE: I.. I know you don’t, and I sentence you to twenty days for that, and if you say anything else, I’m gonna add twenty days for everything you say.
ALLEN: Fuck you.
JUDGE: Forty days.
ALLEN: Fuck you again.
JUDGE: Sixty
ALLEN: Go fuck yourself.
JUDGE: A year.
ALLEN: Your mama.
JUDGE: Ten years.
ALLEN: Suck my dick
JUDGE: You know something, this is gonna be an interesting trial.
ALLEN: Oh, yeah?
JUDGE: Oh yeah.
ALLEN: You’re not…you’re not supposed to smile in court. You know that if you smile…
JUDGE: I can smile anytime I want.
ALLEN: …it’s a violation. Now you’re cussing and yelling…
JUDGE: I have not cussed.
ALLEN: Yeah, you did.
JUDGE: I am yelling.
ALLEN: Well, go fuck yourself, suck my dick.
JUDGE: That’s why I’m yelling.
ALLEN: Suck my dick.
JUDGE: You know something, you are absolutely the rudest person I think I’ve ever met.
ALLEN: You reckon… you reckon if I let you suck my dick that I could get a fair trial here?
JUDGE: Oh, I don’t think so.
ALLEN: I got a big dick now, and if I pull it out…
JUDGE: I don’t think that’s gonna get you a fair trial, unless you have…
ALLEN: I’m done.
JUDGE: …every one of the jurors do it.
ALLEN: I don’t think that mouth is big enough, sir. I’ve got a big old donkey dick.
JUDGE: You know, I’m sure mine’s, I’m sure mine’s not.
ALLEN: I’ve got a big old donkey dick for that ass.
JUDGE: Good. I’m sure the women love it.
ALLEN: I don’t fuck girls.
JUDGE: Oh, oh no. I’m sorry.
ALLEN: I fuck boys.
JUDGE: Oh, I’m sorry. You prefer men.
ALLEN: I fuck boys.
JUDGE: You prefer men, right?
ALLEN: I fuck white, white boys.
JUDGE: You, oh… oh… white or black?
ALLEN: White boys.
JUDGE: Oh, butt boys?
ALLEN: With big butts.
JUDGE: Oh, of course. You know, you look like a queer.
ALLEN: Well, OK, so now you’re calling me a queer in the courtroom?
JUDGE: I didn’t call you one, I said you look like one.
ALLEN: You’re yelling.
JUDGE: Do you understand the English language?
ALLEN: Wait, you’re yelling, you’re laughing…
JUDGE: Do you understand the English language?
ALLEN: Listen, this… this is kangaroo court, sir.
JUDGE: Do you… You know what, no. We’re not in (laughing)... Australia.
ALLEN: I mean, if you wanna suck my dick, you can do it any time now, we can get this court ordered.
JUDGE: Oh, you’re so smart.
ALLEN: Do we have to court order this?
JUDGE: You’re so funny, you’re so cute.
ALLEN: Can we get a court order to get my dick sucked, sir?
JUDGE: You’re so cute. I know all the inmates just love you to death.
ALLEN: Oh, yeah.
JUDGE: Oh, I bet.
ALLEN: All the white butt boys love me to death too.
JUDGE: OK, well I.. I’ll bet they do, and I bet all the rest of them do too.
ALLEN: You ain’t supposed to smile in court.
JUDGE: I bet everybody enjoys sucking your cock.
ALLEN: You ain’t supposed to be smiling in court, that’s a violation.
JUDGE: I can smile any time I dadgum want to!
ALLEN: Now you’re yelling at me again.
JUDGE: I am, I’m yelling.
ALLEN: You’re getting mad.
JUDGE: Can you hear me?
ALLEN: You’re shaking.
JUDGE: I am yelling at you.
ALLEN: Well, reckon you can suck my dick?
JUDGE: Yelling.
ALLEN: Can you take a break?
JUDGE: Yelling.
ALLEN: Can you take a break?
JUDGE: I’m yelling at you.
ALLEN: Can you take a break?
JUDGE: Yelling.
ALLEN: Can I get my dick sucked?
JUDGE: Can you hear me yelling?
ALLEN: Can I get my dick sucked?
JUDGE: Yelling. Yelling.
ALLEN: Are you ready to suck now? Have you got it all out?
JUDGE: You know something.
ALLEN: You will, but you want me to fuck you in the butt then, right?
JUDGE: Oh my goodness, you’ve got plenty of that over in jail.
ALLEN: I can see it in you when I came in the courtroom.
JUDGE: OK, that’s fine. You’re gonna be here on… let me tell you how this is gonna work. You’re gonna be…
ALLEN: You ain’t gonna tell me shit.
JUDGE: Listen.
ALLEN: Suck my dick.
JUDGE: Shut up, listen to me.
ALLEN: Suck my dick, you fuck man.
JUDGE: Listen.
ALLEN: Suck my dick.
JUDGE: You will be here in the court on Monday…
ALLEN: You will be here sucking my dick.
JUDGE: You will listen to me now.
ALLEN: Go fuck yourself.
JUDGE: OK, I’m going to tell you how this is going to work, you either listen or not, I don’t care.
ALLEN: I’m through, can I…can I leave the courtroom?
JUDGE: No.
OFFICER: No, you’ve got to stay here.
ALLEN: No, I’m not talking to the bastard.
JUDGE: We are going to have the trial Monday week.
ALLEN: No, the fuck we are. I ain’t going to trial with this lawyer present.
JUDGE: Listen, if you do not…
ALLEN: Suck my dick, you stinking ass cracker.
JUDGE: If you act like this, if you act like this I will send you out of the courtroom…
ALLEN: Little bitch ass cracker.
JUDGE: …and leave you out of the courtroom during tri…during the trial.
ALLEN: Bitch ass cracker.
JUDGE: Do you understand that?
ALLEN: Bitch ass, sucking ass
JUDGE: Do you understand that?
ALLEN: Big butts.
JUDGE: Do you understand that?
ALLEN: Ass cracker.
JUDGE: Do you understand that?
ALLEN: Mad, ain’t ya?
JUDGE: Stupid.
ALLEN: Red face.
JUDGE: Listen.
ALLEN: Now, you’re calling me stupid.
JUDGE: Listen. Yes I am.
ALLEN: This is kangaroo court.
JUDGE: You know what, you have… you have a constitutional right to be a dumbass.
ALLEN: Why don’t you jump up on the stand…
JUDGE: You have a constitutional right to be a dumbass.
ALLEN: …and jump around like a kangaroo, you dumb bastard.
JUDGE: Well, if you…
ALLEN: Suck my dick, I ain’t listening to nothing you say.
JUDGE: …come in here Monday and…
ALLEN: How about this? I’ll kill your whole family. When I get in this trial, I’ll murder your whole family. I’ll cut your children up into pieces. I’ll knock their brains out with a fucking hammer and feed them to you.
JUDGE: Are…are you.. are you… are you taking this down?
CLERK: Yes, sir.
JUDGE: OK, I’m gonna refer you to the district attorney’s office.
ALLEN: I don’t give a fuck who you’re referring to.
JUDGE: I’m… I’m just telling you…
ALLEN: I thought you were referring to my motherfucking…
JUDGE: Aggravated! Aggravated assault, terroristic threats, and we’ll just add to it.
ALLEN: I don’t give a fuck. I’ll murder you, your whole family, your kids. I am not supposed to be in jail. I was framed. That motherfucker asked me to eat his ass for a bag of coffee, and now…
JUDGE: Well, you know…
ALLEN: …you’re telling me that I’ve got...I’ve got to… I gotta go to trial with this fuck man over here.
JUDGE: You’re obviously…
ALLEN: He’s probably a pedophile.
JUDGE: You’re obviously fixated on butts and dicks.
ALLEN: Huh? I’m fixated on your mouth.
JUDGE: No, you’re fixated on butts and dicks.
ALLEN: You’ve got a nasty mouth, sir.
JUDGE: Oh, oh I have an awful mouth.
ALLEN: You have a big ol’ fat mouth.
JUDGE: I do.
ALLEN: You gotta have a big ol’ mouth to get this dick in it.
JUDGE: I sure do.
ALLEN: Alright.
JUDGE: Yep, I’m proud of it.
ALLEN: I’ll make sure the next time I… I come to court, I’ll pull it out and jack on you.
JUDGE: OK, why don’t you do that right now?
ALLEN: I jack on white boys.
JUDGE: Why don’t you do that right now?
ALLEN: Just like I jack on females.
JUDGE: Do it right now.
ALLEN: I can’t do it now.
JUDGE: Do it now.
ALLEN: I ain’t got… I ain’t got...
JUDGE: I don’t care
ALLEN: Take off the cuffs.
JUDGE: How many hands do you have to have to do it?
ALLEN: Take off the cuffs.
JUDGE: Come on, no, no. Jack off.
ALLEN: This is kangaroo court.
JUDGE: Come on, jack off.
ALLEN: This is… this is kangaroo court.
JUDGE: Jack off right now.
ALLEN: Are y’all getting this?
JUDGE: Yeah, they’re getting it.
ALLEN: I’m… I’m…. I’m gonna make sure this guy done call me stupid. This motherfucker told me he was gonna suck my dick.
JUDGE: I did not say that.
ALLEN: He wanted me to fuck him in the butt.
JUDGE: I did not say that either.
ALLEN: Yeah, you’re…you’re….you’re a real, a real nasty ass judge.
JUDGE: I am indeed, and you’re going to find out how nasty I really am.
ALLEN: You’ll find out how nasty I am when I murder your whole family, bitch.
JUDGE: OK, that’s fine. You know, you’ll be in jail so long you won’t have a chance.
ALLEN: The baby’s will be going ‘Daddy, daddy, help me’, I’m just gonna… I’m just… (laughing) I’m just going to knock their brains out with a fucking hammer. (laughing)
JUDGE: OK, well you know, if I had any kids you’d probably be able to do that, but since I don’t have any, it doesn’t really matter.
ALLEN: Well, then I’ll get your nieces, your nephews, your sisters.
JUDGE: It doesn’t really matter. I don’t have any of those either.
ALLEN: Grandkids.
JUDGE: I don’t have any of those either.
ALLEN: Aunties, err aunts.
JUDGE: How can I have grandkids if I don’t have any kids?
ALLEN: Brothers, sisters.
JUDGE: Stupid, you know… you’re… you’re just completely… completely have no idea of the English language.
ALLEN: If you’re not gonna suck my dick, sir, I don’t… I don’t wanna be here.
JUDGE: OK, I… I’ve enjoyed this. I hope you have. I know everybody else in the courtroom has enjoyed it, but you can go now, and if…
ALLEN: Alright, well
JUDGE: …if on Monday week, this happens again, you will not stay in the courtroom.
ALLEN: Suck my dick, sir.
JUDGE: OK
ALLEN: I’m subpoenaing y’alls ass in the courtroom.